There you go dawg, you startin to get down whiddit ma dude. That´s str8 Doin you, on the gangsta tip. You a stand up dude, so I´mma come atcha like a stand up dude. N´ be honest and upfront witcha. I´m even gone str8en out my lingo fo´yuh, lol. The potential is there. And I´ve seen improvement in every verse I read from you so far. And this one was plenty longer than the first verse you dropped. Which is good, see that gives me more to look at and evaluate. So that being said, on the str8 up honest tip. I also see a lot of room for improvement. And there´s areas of the premise of rhyming, that you gotta work on. Strong points: You got an overall theme, you´re not all over the place, in terms of subjectmatter, (which isn´t always a bad thing, If the writer pulls it off right, by rhyming fly) but on here, most cats can´t stay within a particular subjectmatter or, theme. And so they just end up being off point). So the fact that you stay fairly on point within a particular subjectmatter, is a good thing. You also got some ´tude thrown in the mix, you´re incorporating some street convo into it. U got swag somewhat. N´ that adds to the flava. Things to work on would be: Better set ups for your punchlines. Work on structure, at times the lines are too long, and sometimes, a word, or a few more words would tigthen up the bars. And basically, another thing for you to figure out as you´re rhyming, is HOW you wanna come accross? As you develop your style. Think about how you wanna flip, and what you wanna say, and HOW you wanna say it. These are just some basic things to consider. You got the potential, all you gotta do now is put in the work and run with it. Keep doin you. PEACE.
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